I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
