This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
