I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize