well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
