I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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