The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
