batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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