well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
