he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
