I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
