her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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