Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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