anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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