my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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