I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
