i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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