my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize