I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
