I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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