just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
