by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
