I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize