Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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