I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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