so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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