you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i was born a porn star she said
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
