Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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