the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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