Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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