Barsexuality is the new black.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize