Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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