Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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