Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
