addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize