I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
