i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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