You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
