Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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