I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
