I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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