There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
