If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize