Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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