The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
