Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
