she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We are two peas in an std pod
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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