Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
