Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
