He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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