making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
