are you still at the devil's house?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
