Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
