Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I had to cum in my sink.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
