I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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