that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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