tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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