yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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