I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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