It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
