Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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