Jerry, you need to find god
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
