he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize