sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
