Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
