now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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