you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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