i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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