At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
