hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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