Just cropdusted the office
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
