Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
