I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
