For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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