I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
