Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
